so…. there are very few people in the world that i have justifiable reason to hate… i mean, there’s plenty of people that i get justifiably annoyed with (probably a vast majority) but hate… well, that’s a bit different… and yet, though it’s a very small amount of people, i managed to spend last weekend in the company of one such individual… not gonna get into details… but i’ve known of this individual for quite a while now and just met them this past weekend… i was well-behaved and didn’t have all the evil thoughts i had previously entertained… it was one awkward weekend though… just added to the whole mayhem that made the weekend entirely exhausting… anyway… such is life… and love… and why… which brings me in a very roundabout way to my next point…

i’ve been reading through Numbers in the good book… and well, before i start, let me encourage you all to read the Old Testament to get a better perspective on things… anyway… something that stood out to me the other day when i was in Numbers 9 was how (and this concept is beaten into your head) when the cloud that God used to direct the Israelites in the desert lifted, they broke camp and moved on… and when it stopped and settled over an area, they set up camp… sometimes it was a day, sometimes months, but they followed the cloud… and that’s how we’re supposed to be… when we follow God it should be instantly… no dawdling just go when and where He leads… i guess it just stuck out as i come into work each day and look for the cloud… and sometimes wonder if it’s still there at all… anyway… i wrote a poem a long time ago about this kind of thing and i’m going to include it here, even though i haven’t recently read it and i’ll probably wish that i edited it later… i’m gonna do it quickly and maybe revisit it in a bit…

You led them by night with a pillar of flame . . .
a visual display of your might . . .
i boldly dare to ask for the same . . .
yet you call my name as i sleep . . .
explaining my life in dreams
most of which i don’t recall
if at all . . .
it seems unfair . . .
[ almost as if you don’t care ] . . .

You led them with a cloud . . .
by light of day . . .
when you speak to me i strain to hear . . . .
pulling words from the flowing rain . . . .
the wind howls and seems nearer . . .
i struggle to comprehend all you say . . .
i’m blown away like fallen leaves . . .
i beg you to let me stay . . .
this is where i want to be . . .
You are who i need to see . . .
i need You to teach me . . .
i try to make out your silhouette . . .
and yet the horizon escapes me . . .
[ almost as if you are out of reach ] . . .

You led them visually . . .
dusk and dawn . . .
i feel drawn and quartered by the directions i’ve taken . . .
i can’t always SEE You . . .
i can’t always HEAR . . .
i know You are there . . .
somewhere in the fog . . .
a faceless figure in the mist . . .
in the midst of my storm i curl up to stay warm . . .
i know you can keep me from the cold . . .
wishing i were bold enough to ask . . .
bolder still to accept . . .
i grow older as my faith remains in similtude . . .
[ p l e a s e F a t h e r l e a d m e ] . . .

-bdg 2001

so… yeah… hey, sorry for those that have missed me lately… i’m trying to organize my time better… and there’s so much going on that i’ve been actually stealing time from here to get some content written for the TRu and the other various outlets that i write for… the next couple weeks will likely be even crazier since i no longer have an office to report to every day and my work/personal/family times will be blurred even further…

peace… love… bdg…

listen:

Switchfoot – Legend of Chin (Life and Love and Why)
Switchfoot – Learning to Breathe (Playing for Keeps)

look:

[broken image]