i don’t rant much, but i kind of feel like there’s some ranting in me that’s determined to come out… and believe me, i could tear apart all the snakes and crooks inside the insurance industry and COBRA… and regale the conversations that i’ve had with them over the past few months… no stinking wonder that the health care system is broken in America… but i won’t… i’ll simply inhale, exhale and simmer down… and start things off today with a review of a movie that i was really looking forward to, Transformers 2: The Rise of the Fallen

TRANSFORM…

now playing: Piece of Junk Car – KJ-52

i’m really hard-pressed to think of a time when i walked away from the theater as disappointed as i was leaving the theater the other day… i’m not sure if it was my own expectations, my ideological notion that action movies can be visually and intellectually stimulating, the sheer excitement of seeing the transformers on the big screen or simply that i bought into the hype, but all the wind that filled my sails heading into the theater had long disappeared as i walked out… i had waited for the first installment the hit DVD and clearly i was wrong not to wait for the sequel as well…

i expected that Transformers 2 would build off of the first movie, which, as i remember it, was pretty amazing… i expected a lot of action sequences, a lot of sweet cars, and stunning special effects… and, to that end, the movie delivers, but because those elements were at least equally balanced out by juvenile humor, a script that felt like it was written by fifth graders, a poached plotline and way more suggestion than necessary, i left feeling very short-changed…

Surely “the twins” have been a target for controversy as there have been allegations of racism as there was towards Jar Jar Binks, but to that end, i’ll simply say that those claims are ridiculous – i felt more like they were a couple of hyper-stereotypical rednecks than anything else – but they were indicative of the foolish direction that the movie took overall…

Clearly, the crew wanted to movie to have a humorous bent, but unfortunately they resorted to the basest level of humor available… the air-headed mother getting accidentally high, the number of anatomy jokes, crass language from the transformers, and on and on… and sexual content ranging from dogs being frisky, a little robot taking liberties with Megan Fox’s leg, the “Baywatch” running scenes, and a transformer disguised as a college student that makes several advances on the lead character… (by the way, this character makes absolutely zero sense in the context of the movie since none of the other robots look remotely like humans nor is there any reference to such characters that i remember from Transformers lore)…

The plot also seemed like a big rip-off as it closely resembled that of Johnny Mnemonic and, more recently, Chuck… but even that could’ve been overlooked had the script been written with even the slightest hint of intelligence… and to top it all off, the movie dragged on and on for two and a half hours – also known as about an hour too long…

As i’ve stated before, when the movie played to its strengths – action and special effects – it was nothing short of spectacular… unfortunately it didn’t stay there… it’s also worth noting that John Turturro did a fine job as Agent Simmons… and there were actually some really good moments between Sam and Bumblebee, but other than those highlights, the movie really blew a great opportunity to further establish a franchise that could be great…

The bottom line for me is this… it felt like the producers and directors wanted to make Transformers into something other than an action movie… perhaps they wanted to be taken more seriously than your typical action movie fare… but they forgot that there’s nothing wrong with an action movie simply being an action movie… and if you want to add humor into the mix, that’s fine, but let it happen naturally – don’t force-fit it… as it was, i wanted to see Transformers 2 and i feel like i watched Harold and Kumar: Defeating the Decepticons…

… AND ROLL OUT

and that’s my take… have you seen it? what did you think? am i crazy? let me know and i’ll be back with more things to talk about soon…

peace… love… bdg…