and now we’re down to eleven… and i had it right last week, let’s see if i can get it right this week… Billboard number ones this week… i hear that they worked with one Miley Cyrus – who coincidentally has a movie coming out next weekend… no pressure, but the loser doesn’t get to go on the tour… once again, the ridiculous “Come On Down” voice introduces the judges and we’re ready for a showdown… okay, so my pre-pick for the bottom three and going home are Paige, Tim, and Andrew, with Paige being crumpled up and tossed in the waste bin… woah, Magnus Ver Magnussen looks freaky… on with the show…
ELEVEN MAGIC…
now playing: Boom Boom Pow – Black Eyed Peas
okay, i love how Miley says that she wasn’t sure how to correct the contestants because she didn’t think they were doing anything wrong… then she met them face-to-face and she knew right away…
Lee “Da Wise Guy”… singing The Letter by The Boxtops… Miley thinks that he has a tremendous voice… i still think he stinks… but he’s really popular and the judges will rave about him no matter what he sounds like… he’s not too bad actually, this is a way old song, but it suits his vocal for the most part… gives him a chance to scream like an idiot and try for some soft moments, too… and there’s not much of a melody, so it works really well for him… he was already safe, but now it’s rightfully so… Randy says he knocked it out of the “box” (get it, Box tops)… Ellen rambles on and on about a pen… i have a favorite pen actually… the Parker Jotter, FYI… Kara says that it was his best performance EVAR…. Simon says it wasn’t recordable, it was corny and not at all contemporary…
“Paige Turner”… the ring stealer… they steals me, my precious… singing Against All Odds by one of the best ever, Phil Collins… and she’s sitting on the steps talking about standing here… and she sounds terrified, horrible, and i do believe that’s the ball game folks…. skipped or forgot the lyrics… and she’s trying as hard as she can to pull it together, but that’s all she wrote folks… she better hope for a LOT of sympathy votes… simply AWFUL… Randy says it was honestly terrible… Ellen says at least she didn’t fall down in those high, high, heels, and she’s afraid to talk about the music… Kara says that Paige must’ve simply stopped trying because it might have been the worst vocal of the season… Simon asks her how she thought she did… (she struggled)… Simon responds that it just got worse the longer she sang…
Tim “The Partidge”… Tim wants to take on Queen… Why?… death wish… singing the Ricky Nelson version of Crazy Little Thing Called Love… (okay, i totally dated myself there)… so, somewhere along the line, he’s been coached up to really take advantage of the “Zac Effron” factor, because the vocal isn’t that great at all, but no one will remember that… they’ll remember the slide across the stage, the incredible stage presence (where did THAT come from?)… and he’ll probably be safe despite the lazy vocal… Randy says it’s a singing competition and all that was exciting was the slide… Ellen says that he’s got fans, but felt like a corny High School Musical audition… Kara says something about Zac Effron and that he seems like he’s overconfident and he’s got a lot of work to do… Simon says that it made sense to do the slide in order to distract from the singing… that he needs singing lessons, take the show seriously, and stop picking silly songs…
Aaron Aaron… my foot’s asleep and my salad is getting warm… we’re supposed to go easy on him, because his throat is messed up… Aaron may have a crush on Miley, but i assume that by “Miley” he means “Justin Bieber”… singing AaronSmith’s – er Aerosmith’s Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing… apparently from the Broadway, sorry, off-Broadway version of Armageddon… i suppose that it’s got some slight tinge of country to it, but he’s just kind of standing there, trying not to strain his already limited vocal… and it’s alright… i can handle that… should be safe, tonsilitis or not… Randy says thank God someone can sing in this contest… Ellen says something about him being in third grade and still knowing how to pick the right song… Kara says that it really was a great song choice, despite the rough vocals and lack of stage presence… Simon says he’s a try-er… perhaps a bit old fashioned, but there’s zero chance that he’ll go home… i think he propositioned Miley Cyrus off on Aaron’s behalf… Ryan calls him David Archuleta… nice…
Crystal BoSAWX… you can just tell that Crystal wants to choke Miley Cyrus… she just looks like she has a certain level of disdain towards her… she’s singing Me and Bobby McGee Janis Joplin and fulfilling all the stereotypes surrounding her… well everybody’s gonna love it, but i think she looks terrible and she’s just screaching through all that mess… i mean, that’s the song and all, and she’s really good, but she’s way overrated… and so stinking arrogant… Randy says that she’s the definition of a star folk singer… Ellen plays the clairvoyant about the song choice then tells her to interact with the crowd more… Kara asks her if she was thinking at all, because she seemed more free than in past weeks… Simon says don’t change a thing, because it was as good as Pink…
BIG MIKE… new father seducing Miley Cyrus… awesome… singing When a Man Loves a Woman and straight killing it… that is a phenomenal vocal… and what i like the best about this performance is that he’s taken this killer bluesy rock song and turned it slightly off kilter, making it a soul jam that rivals Boys II Men… and he’s got the look, the voice, and it’s a winner… no doubt about it… Randy says he can sing the “i don’t know what” out of the song… Ellen says that it was safe but she loves him… Kara says she loves him, but it was indulgent… Simon says that the arrangement kept the song from being current… loungy? this from Kara who’s been complaining about people not connecting with the song… he gets all cheesy and corny to the sappy love song and she doesn’t like it… whatevs…
Andrew “The Custodian”… Miley says put that guitar down and loosen up… he sings Marvin Gaye’s I Heard It Through the Grapevine and i can’t help but think that he actually looks like one of the raisins from those commercials… (i know, dating myself again)… he’s still really stiff to be honest and he’s walking around like he lost his guitar and he’s looking for it… the vocal is equally stiff and really, almost snarky… why on earth did he take that soulful tune and ignore the soul in lieu of a choppy, pop arrangement? bad performance… bad vocal… bad everything… Randy says it wasn’t the right vocal and it wasn’t good… Ellen says it wasn’t very good… Kara once again tells him to recapture that Straight Up moment… Simon says he’s probably overrated and that he sucked the soul out of that song…
Katie “The Mouse”… Katie asks Miley how to deal with mean people who criticize her… silly… you just have to stop sucking and people sill stop picking on you… singing a terrible song, Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry… and she starts off well, but by the time she gets to the jump, she’s about three quarters of a note flat… and the chorus isn’t that great… she worked the crowd a bit, which is good and she should be fine… i think that the outfit is from the eighties… Randy says that it was pitchy, but she’s listening… i missed Ellen’s comments, but i’m sure they didn’t make much sense… Kara says that she found the right avenue, but she’s still got mad pitch issues… Simon says that Miley was the best thing that ever happened to Katie and i can’t help but notice how many millions of miles any of these contestants would have to travel to even be in Miley’s shadow…
Casey “Sawyer” James… singing The Power of Love by Huey Lewis and the News? yeah… sweet… he’s probably the only person to meet Miley Cyrus and gush about her dad… awesome… i’m starting to like this guy… he’s playing the guitar somewhat… and his vocal is really on point for the song… it’s funny how the band has gotten into costume for this performance… it’s a slightly toned down arrangement, but only slightly… and, by gosh, by golly, this dude has just put down my favorite performance of the night… Randy says he wasn’t a fan of the song choice, but he did it really well… Ellen also hates on Huey, but she loves her some Casey… Kara says that he’s on another level… Simon says that it was old fashioned song, like an eighties cover band, nothing original or challenging…
“Ay, Ay, Bee Bee, see see, DIDI”… singing a Linda Ronstadt’s You’re No Good… really, why would you sing a song that repeats the phrase “no good” over and over and over?… bad choice… and really, it’s not that good… she’s off on the vocal and the arrangement’s nothing to speak of… really a dud… and being that she’s just not going to stick around for the long haul… Randy says that it was pitchy… i ate my salad while Ellen and Kara spoke… and Simon points out the irony of repeating “you’re no good” throughout a bad song… totally reading over my shoulder, Simon…
Siobhan MAGNUS VER MAGNUSON… oh my gosh, she’s such a dork… and the worst part is, i’m pretty sure it’s all an act… anyway… singing Superstitious by Stevie Wonder… and she looks like a complete idiot in that costume… i mean outfit… Stevie is, of course, one of the most difficult people to cover… his voice is so, so, distinct and no one can run like him… (vocally)… she sounds simply alright and then she attacks our senses with her owl screams for the big finale… prepare for the gushing… Randy says he loved it… Ellen just really has no place on the panel, “More please”… Kara says that it wasn’t her best performance, but that last note is just amazing… Simon says that the screaming at the end is becoming a thing and that she didn’t hit the notes like she has in the past… overall, he mentions that they all need to push themselves a little more…
ICE, ICE BABY… TAKE OFF…
now playing: Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice
so, my pre-picks were pretty spot on from what i can tell… i was amazed to learn as i was picking the songs for each section that Miley doesn’t have any number ones… is that right? anyway… matter at hand… bottom three, i’ll say Paige – who was absolutely horrible… Andrew – who is way out of his league… and DiDi – who really stumbled through that bad, bad performance… with Paige heading home… i just don’t see any reason for her to stick around…
who ya got, folks? am i way off or right on?
peace… love… bdg…