i’m so weak… i really didn’t want to blog this show tonight… i’m all but detached from the entire thing… but here i am, sucked in somehow by the fact that it’s the finals… and hey, Lost disappointed me, maybe Idol will blow me away… (yeah, i don’t really think so either)… anyway, pre-pick goes to Lee… i don’t think he’s better, but i think he’s the chosen one… off we go…

TGIF… (Thank God It’s the Finals)…

now playing: The Last Night – Skillet

Lee DaWiseGuy… first song: The Boxer… i didn’t like this the first time he sang it, but at least this time, i’m staying in the room… it’s really not a good choice for him, but better than last time… Randy yo-yo’s up to saying that it was a great way to start the night, but he needs more energy… Ellen says she wants to give birth to him… Kara says he was connected to it… Simon says it was a kiss on the cheek when it should’ve been a kiss on the lips…

Crystal BoSAWX… first song: Me and Bobby McGee… fantastic (sarcastically)… any song that gives her a chance to scream like she doesn’t care… no, really, she did alright… this was a good choice for her… Randy says it started slow, but it was dope, dude… Ellen says pass the salt… that and she’s compelling… Kara says she loved it last time and this time and her belly is on fire… Simon says this reminded him of when they fell in love with her…

now playing: Line Finish – Tunnel Rats

Lee DaWiseGuy… second song: Everybody Hurts… i think this is going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy… why would the Execs pick this song? what have they got against Michael Stipe?… Lee’s kind of croaking his way through this once-melodic song as though he’d been clubbed in the head like a baby seal… he’s definitely disconnected from the song (and any sense of melody)… Randy says it was better… Ellen says he needs to play to the audience more… Kara loved it… Simon says he went off melody a bit and he needs to really bring the heat for the last song…

Crystal BoSAWX… second song: Black Velvet… i can’t stand this song… and i doubt she’ll redeem it… she’s wearing a black dress… but it doesn’t appear to be velvet… well, the song choices seem to indicate that the judges were giving Crystal a leg up… too bad she just sang it like a trainwreck… speaking of off-key… Randy says it was hot… Ellen says it was fantastic… Kara says she gave it all and you can tell she wants it… (you can tell the executives want her to have it anyway)… Simon says that she took the song and nailed it…

now playing: Goodbye – MuteMath

Lee DaWiseGuy… final song: Beautiful Day… what? how can they make this his lead single?… they’ve totally given up on writing songs specifically for the contestants?… so, let me get this straight… the raspy-voiced rock dude on the final night of competition tries to sing Paul Simon, REM, and U2?… how does that make any sense… and yes, somewhere under all that hot mess is a U2 song… Randy says once again he got his groove back and it was goodonya… Ellen says he’s all growed up and she’s loved watching him… Kara said Bono ate him whole, but he deserved it… Simon says that he made the most of it and he’s what the show was designed for…

Crystal BoSAWX… final song: Up to the Mountain… i’ll give the show one thing… they certainly don’t hide it when they’ve chosen who to champion… last week Casey got the shaft and this week Lee totally got hosed… poor guy… well, this song isn’t exactly great or anything, but it’s actually in her wheelhouse, or should i say comfort zone… it’s a’ight… she totally owned the night tonight, though, compared to the alternative, it’s not really saying much, now is it?… Randy says it was amazing, perfect, and incredible… Ellen says Crystal is in a league of her own and can’t compare to anyone selling records today… Kara says she blossomed… Crystal offers Simon a toast to butter him up… and he responds in kind by telling her it was outstanding… and he’s OUT!

now playing: Leave Right Now – William Young

Alrighty folks… now that that’s over… we’re left with the guilt of watching yet again… and the wonder of how America will break on this vote… clearly, as i’ve said before, Crystal was the surprise favorite for the producers and they weren’t shy about it one bit… i suppose that means that she has a better chance of winning, but i think i’ll stick with Lee… the dark horse from the beginning… the dark horse in the end… and, i suppose, the lesser of two painful musical experiences…

who ya got, folks? i know you watched… stop pretending you didn’t…

peace… love… bdg…

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down to three and i must say we couldn’t have gotten to the end of this season quickly enough… it seems to be the general consensus among even the most diehard of fans… something just hasn’t been working… anyway, this week features Casey, Crystal, and Lee… that’s right, the very three i told you would be left standing at the top of the season… (i also got Big Mike going out at number four right, too)… not that i’m bragging, but they’ll each get to talk about their home towns, pick a song, and have a song picked for them if i remember correctly… alright, enough of this… off we go…

TRES DELINQUENTES…

now playing: The Choice Is Yours – KJ-52

Casey “Sawyer” James… singing Okay, It’s Alright With Me and that was an awkward introduction Ryan… jumping right in with a guitar-wielding blue-eyed soul singer with long hair and longer stares… anyway the title of the song kind of sums up the performance… he’s just there… there’s nothing special about this performance it’s everything he’s done every other week when he’s not expecting to lose… Randy pauses and plays on the song title, wishing Casey brought something better than alright… Ellen echoes that sentiment… Kara emphasizes this as the last chance to impress everyone and he didn’t bring the goods… Simon says it sounded as though he was busking for the goods…

Crystal BoSAWX… singing Come to My Window and if Casey got crushed for picking the obvious song… Crystal should get the same treatment… of COURSE she picks a song where she can play the guitar, the harmonica, and scream here and there… she does the same thing every week too… she sounded like she was busking as well from where i sit… then again, i’ve always felt that way… Randy says it wasn’t his favorite arrangement, but it all worked out in the end… Ellen says Melissa would’ve been proud… Kara wants her to sing for the moment… Simon rounds things out with a final plea for voters to choose Crystal because she’s the most stubborn of all the contestants, or artists, or… whatever…

Lee “Da Wise Guy”… Neal Patrick Harris is on Glee after this… awesome… back to reality, though… Lee is singing Skynard, dude… Simple Man… and it’s a simple arrangement and apparently not that simple to stay on key… he rounds out the trio nicely with another “meh” performance to be honest… had some moments, but overall just lacking some real energy… Randy talks to him like he was a puppy… somebody thinks he can win this… whosa dawg now… who’s my little puppy dawg?… Ellen remarks about how far he’s come… Kara declares him the winner of round one… Simon asks why he picked it… then he says it was the best song choice and he crushed Casey and Crystal…

now playing: Weapon of Choice – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

Casey “Sawyer” James… so Kara picked John Mayer’s Daughters for him because his audience is women and girls… probably because his voice sometimes borders on John Mayer (crossed with a bleating lamb)… really Kara prefers when Casey sings the ballads… and that’s alright… the big problem with this performance is that there doesn’t seem to be much of a connection here… Sawyer, i mean Casey, is just singing the song… Randy says it was a great song choice, it fit him like a glove… Ellen says lots of mothers and daughters (and maybe some sons) will vote for him… Kara says that it showed off his artistic side… Simon says that it was a lazy arrangement, which spurs on an argument about emotion versus a wow factor… (i don’t think it had either)…

Crystal BoSAWX… Ellen picked Maybe I’m Amazed by Paul McCartney… and she’s starting on the stairs, suited up in a leather-based outfit… so i don’t know that she’s doing a great job, but i’m not all that excited about it… she’s screaming of course… but she’s screaming about being a man, maybe, and maybe there’s just one woman who can help her, or him, or… okay, whatever… i’m over this… Randy says great song and vocals… she’s in it to win it… Ellen says “she did it”… Kara says she really pushed it and gave the audience some risky business… Simon says he was surprised by the song choice, but she’s got soul and he thinks she’s in the final…

Lee “Da Wise Guy”… Simon has chosen Hallelujah… what a surprise… Simon is convinced that he’ll perform it like no one else… it is a good fit for his vocal if he can keep it under control… oh Jordin Sparks is one of the back up singers? (just playin)… yeah, he did that song well… he’s won the night and probably the whole shebang… best performance of the night by light years… can we all go home now?… Randy says he threw down the real gauntlet and won the whole thing… Lee’s about to cry… Ellen says it was stunning… Kara says he’s what the show is all about… Simon is very proud of him and he’s proven that he’s a fantastic singer and a great person…

ARE WE THERE YET?…

now playing: It’s Not Over – Daughtry

So the judges seem pretty clear on wanting Lee and Crystal dueling next week and if tonight’s performances factor in heavily, that’s probably going to be the case… i mean, Casey just didn’t completely show up tonight… he’s gotta hope that millions of swooning gals fill up the phone banks with calls… i’m going to guess that he disappears though… even though i picked him to win it all, i expected him to compete until the end… i’m going with a Lee and Crystal showdown…

Who have YOU got in YOUR final?

peace… love… bdg…

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four more are left and none of them is Aaron Aaron… by the way, i was travelling last week and i didn’t get a chance to watch Idol live – in fact, i was delayed by quite a while – so i didn’t get to comment on the spectacular job that Harry Connick Jr. did on the show… he’s really some kind of awesome… i expect pretty much the complete opposite showing tonight… Jamie Foxx didn’t impress me much last year and i suspect that he won’t impress me this year… it looks like they’ll be doing a solo performance and then a duet performance… i seem to recall that not going very well last time around either… anyway, off we go…

FANTASTIC? FOUR…

now playing: The Batman Theme – Danny Elfman

Lee “Da Wise Guy”… first up is Lee, singing Kiss from a Rose… from Batman Returns?… i think it was on that soundtrack anyway… well, he’s back on my bad side straight out of the gates… having Jamie’s head up in his grill during rehearsal must’ve really rattled him… he’s amazingly off like no one else could possibly be and still get raving from the judges… well, that’s what i expect anyway… it was awful though… Randy starts things off and says it was, okay, he did nothing with it and it was pitchy in spots, and it didn’t work… Ellen says there was more that could’ve been done with the song, but he’s so good… Kara gets interrupted by some random chicks who want to hear themselves on television, but manages to say that he got lost in the song, but he is still great… Simon says it was totally the wrong song and he tried too hard to sound like the original…

BIG MIKE… apparently, Mike will be tackling Michael Jackson… and he did some shadow boxing with Jamie which earned him a Contestant tee shirt… singing Will You Be There? in a tight leather jacket accompanied by five backup gals, he doesn’t sound good… not one bit… not on the stairs, not without hairs, not on the stage, not on the same page… Randy says that it is a weird night and it just didn’t sound that good… Ellen says something about Free Willy and that he should want to win, not just place… it was predictable… Kara says that he could’ve done that in his sleep and that he played it safe… Simon asks what the heck Free Willy is and that it was confusing, but at least he gave it a hundred percent… Ryan calls Ellen, Dori…

BoSAWX and Da Wise Guy… first duet and i didn’t pay attention to the title… i think it’s Falling Slowly… and it starts out alright… they are uncomfortably standing face to face at center stage trading lines and pretending that their guitars are plugged into anything… then they try to harmonize and prove that they don’t like to share the stage… all the judges liked it, but i didn’t really catch their comments clearly… Crystal is playing with Lee’s guitar and calls him her musical crush…

now playing: Mission Impossible Theme – Lalo Schifrin

Casey “Sawyer” James… singing Mrs. Robinson… with a mini-guitar and his lamb-like vibrato… how is it that it took up until last week for Kara to notice that?… anyway… Jamie asked Casey to seduce him… he must just have eyes that draw everyone in, regardless of their interests… anyway… i like the adjustments he’s made to the arrangement… kind of Jason Castro-ish… and, though it’s kind of safe, he’s all but saved himself with an impressive performance in a hideous teal leather members only jacket… Randy points out the elephant in the room – that Kara is Mrs. Robinson – and then says that it was just alright… Ellen says something about the small guitar and says that it was good… Kara Robinson says that it was a perfect way for him to fight for his life… vulnerable and honest… Simon thought it lacked substance and impact… you know, in that jacket, he really looks like Phil Joel…

Crystal BoSAWX… a classic song from Caddyshack and Kenny Loggins… um… okay… well, she’s got herself a little potty mouth… I’m All Right… and she’s back to dressing like Oliver Twist… okay, i’ll just come right out and say it… this song is just plain stupid… i mean, what on earth is going on with these people?… she’s screaming and warbling through it just fine, but man.. that was dumb… Randy says it wasn’t his favorite performance, but she’s an artist and made it somewhat enjoyable… Ellen says that she made that song better… Kara agrees with the two of them… Simon says that she’s back in the game… oh geesh… her boyfriend is a dork, too… MC Hammer called and even he didn’t want those pants back…

Big Mike and Sawyer… the final duet… a Bryan Adams bro-mance tune… Have You Ever Loved a Woman… that is really odd… Casey has changed and pulled his hair back… Big Mike has changed and left his bald alone… it’s clear that this is your bottom two… that’s just not good… Randy compliments the guitar playing… Ellen apparently has loved a woman… Kara says the duets were better than all the solo performances… Simon parrots Kara… but all of them are still recovering from Ellen’s comment…

THE BIG BORE…

now playing: March (from Raiders of the Lost Ark) – John Williams

okay then, all the judges seemed to agree that individually, the contestants all stunk up the stage, but that the duets were something special… i think it was an entirely lackluster evening, cementing the fact that i’m not likely to care about any albums that come from this year’s contestants… for the sake of tidiness, i’ll make my picks… bottom two: Mike and Casey… going home, i have to say Big Mike hangs up his cleats…

who ya got folks? anybody have a different take?… sound off…

peace… love… bdg…

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We are halfway home, down to a half dozen and to be completely honest, i’m likely to be “half dozin’” as i watch because this show is really off the rails this year… anyway, we press on… it’s Shania Twain week, which i guess means country music? oh, specifically Shania Twain songs… that makes sense, since there are four guys and two girls left… i can totally see Big Mike singing “I Feel Like a Woman“… anyway… let’s go ahead and dig in…

THE MARK OF THE BEAST (SIX)…

now playing: That Don’t Impress Me Much – Shania Twain

Lee “Da Wise Guy”… so, Lee is starting things off, which may be the death of him… singing You’re Still the One… and by singing, of course, i mean growling and screaming… he starts off way off key… screams his way back into reality and hits on and off throughout the performance… Randy says it started off pitchy, but it was pretty good… Ellen says it was better than pretty good, he sang it like no one else would, and he’s cute… Kara says that he didn’t relate to the fact that it was a love song, but he did smile, and it was good… Simon says that it was the right choice, but he made weird faces… Kara cuts him off, he asks to finish, and then the producers cut him off…

BIG MIKE… so, i was thinking that Lee’s performance felt short, as if the show was only a half hour, but then they blasted through about 40 commercials, most of which are for terrible Fox shows… anyway, it’s BIG MIKE time… he’s singing It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing… i’ve never heard it before and i wish that were still the case… he started out on the stairs, lollypopped his way through it and ended with a falsetto… it was alright, but pretty much the same thing he always does… Randy says he’s in the zone of who he is… Ellen recalls Luther Vandross and says it was beautiful… Kara talks about connections again – is she launching a dating website soon or something?… Simon says it was a little wet, meaning girlie…

Casey “Sawyer” James… intersting choice to lead off guy heavy… i probably would’ve mixed the girls into the order a little better… whatever… Casey is singing Don’t and Shania thinks he lacks some inner confidence… he certainly doesn’t lack a vibrato… it’s a slow song, showcasing his vocals quite a bit, kind of like when he dressed up in that white suit a couple weeks ago and sang some other slow song… it’s really good… Randy says it was the best Casey performance ever… Ellen says, actually, it was the best performance you’ve done to date… Kara says it was good, bad, and ugly… and that he’s an artist… Simon agrees with Randy (and, by default, Ellen)… Shania gets an extra hug…

now playing: Up! – Shania Twain

Crystal BoSAWX… she gets all first season Phoebe (from Friends) on Shania talking about her aura and other such nonsense, then she questions her boyfriend’s manhood on national television… singing No One Needs to Know and it’s probably her worst performance, but she’s smiling and she’s everybody’s favorite… i just wasn’t all that impressed… she’s clearly the most talented, but not the most impressive – at least tonight… Randy says it wasn’t his favorite from her, but he liked that it was country… Ellen echoes and pitches Skittles… Kara calls Ellen one of the guys and then agrees that it wasn’t that great… Crystal starts to argue about bigger not being better… Simon agrees that it wasn’t her best and that it lacked conviction… she argues again… and Ryan calls out her boyfriend in the audience…

Aaron Aaron… i’m going to ignore the painfully obvious joke about the lineup order tonight… anyeay, he’s singing You’ve Got a Way With Me next to a giant 50 foot projection of his head… he’s just sitting there on the stool with a stripped down arrangement and his vocals are laid bare… and, i’m sorry, but he’s completely showing just how outclassed he is on this stage… that last note was fine, but the rest of it was skittish at best… Randy says country is his wheelhouse and he did a good job… Ellen says that everyone is doing well and he connected to it… Kara says it was smart to take out the “making love” line… he says that he was singing to his mom, so that makes it a REALLY good choice… Simon says it was really good job and that he’s back…

Siobhan MAGNUS VER MAGNUSON… okay, she gets the pimp spot… and she’s singing Any Man of Mine… and i mean that very loosely… this is horrifying… she’s no where near the right rhythm, key, or anything… this may be the end of the road… finally… oh, here it comes… the huge note and dramatic finish… you know, if that was the entire performance, i would’ve liked it… but she can’t sing the rest of the time… roll out the red carpet judges… Randy loved it… Ellen tries again to make the “Twain – Train” joke, but that she loved it… Kara says that she’s back… Simon says that he liked it and he doesn’t normally like country music, but it sounded like she was giving birth at the end… unbelievable…

THE PIT OF ETERNAL FIRE…

now playing: Nah! – Shania Twain

alrighty, wasn’t that special?… i’m going to go ahead and rank these six performances and then make my pick… and i’m realizing just now that i didn’t pre-predict who is getting the boot… sorry… anyway… here’s the order from worst to first… Siobhan, Michael, Lee, Aaron, Crystal, Casey… just my initial thoughts, anyway… so, who’s going home… bottom three: Michael, Aaron, Siobhan… going home Krystal… SURPRISE!… no, actually, Big Mike gets the Big Boot…

what do you think?… who’s sticking their boots back under their own bed and saying Honey, I’m Home next week?

peace… love… bdg…

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okay, so we’re down to seven… i’m running behind schedule, of course… and this will be, perhaps shorter than last week’s… i’m actually finishing up my thoughts on last week’s episode of LOST simultaneously if you can belive that… anyway… Idol Gives Back week… mentor is Alicia Keys, theme is inspirational songs, and first up is Casey… off we go…

SEVEN UP, DOWN, AND ALL AROUND…

now playing: No One – Alicia Keys

Casey “Sawyer” James… singing Don’t Stop thinking about tomorrow… and he’s got his guitar out… and the vocal’s a little shakey, but he’s got great energy… and it was alright… it’s nothing too special, but it was good… Randy says it’s the same old same old… Ellen says it was good not great… Kara says it didn’t show anyone how different he is from everyone else… Simon said it was emotionless and uninspiring… a lazy song choice…

Lee “Da Wise Guy”… growly boy is gonna sing a Paul Simon song?… singing The Boxer… so, did Alicia not know this song?… speaking of a pocketful of mumbles… i really hope i’m not the only one who realizes just how painful this performance is… or at least ADMITS how painful it is… ugh, that was AWFUL… Randy says he’s a great artist on the verge of a great career… Ellen says it was his best performance by far… Kara says it was really good, he connected to it… Simon says it was way better than Casey… full of emotion, inspiration, and that it was current…

Tim “The Partidge”… singing Better Days by Goo Goo Dolls… and i think this range is gonna be too much for him… he starting out alright… and oh, yeah, it’s gotten away from him… this could be the end of Tim… he really should’ve worked out a new arrangement for this one… Randy says that it just sounded okay and it was like karaoke… Ellen sent this bowl of soup back to the chef… Kara says it was a good choice, but it didn’t work out well… Simon says if it was his first performance ever, it might have worked, but it didn’t work tonight…

Aaron Aaron… singing I Believe I Can Fly… this was out when he was FIVE? man, i feel old… overall, it was a little overdramatic, but not too bad… he’s probably safe… especially after following Tim… it was a solid performance, nothing special, but alright… Randy said it’s a tough song, but he’s got some vocal power… Ellen liked it… Kara said it was a slow takeoff, but a good flight… Simon says it wouldn’t survive on the radio…

now playing: Don’t Stop Believin’ – Glee Cast

Siobhan MAGNUS VER MAGNUSON… oh, i didn’t pay attention to the intro… i often wish i could not pay attention when she’s singing… this is When You Believe by Whitney and, yeah, the Whitney rule still applies… it just wasn’t good and there’s absolutely no excuse for that silly little feather thing in her head… lifeless and blah for me… Randy says it wasn’t a good choice and it wasn’t good… Ellen LOVED it… Kara says it was too much like a musical… Simon agrees with Randy and Kara and mentions how distracting her outfit is… i still think she’s a bloody idiot…

BIG MIKE… oh, Big Mike will be singing Whitney too… wait, what?… oh a different Hero… should’ve gone with the Foo Fighters song… There Goes My Hero… anything is better than a Nickelback song, am i right?… and it’s a bad choice for him because it has a choppy rhythm, which makes him sound out of breath… and despite the strong finish, the rest was just there… it’s good that he showed some range, but i could’ve done without it… Randy says that it was worrisome, but it worked out… Ellen said it was a great job… Kara says sorry, oops… Simon says he sang it pretty well, but it only inspires Spiderman…

Crystal BoSAWX… singing People Get Ready without an instrument… bad move… oh… NO ONE is playing an instrument?… okay… just a capella for the intro… she’s actually got a nice vibe going on here… i daresay she reminds me a bit of Tina Turner… the vocal is a little difficult for her to tame, but she’s doing alright… except for that fiery crash at the finish, she breaks out in tears… Randy gives her a standing O… Ellen says it was beautiful and talked about some weird contraption she brought on stage… Kara says that she schooled all the other contestants… Simon says it was inspirational and in a completly different class than everyone else… her dad, Zoot from the Muppet Show, is there making her emotional…

ARE YOU INSPIRED?…

now playing: Enough for Now – The Fray

and, that’s a wrap… once again, i’m simply not impressed… i suppose this week the bottom three honors should go to Lee, Tim, and Casey… Tim is probably going to go home though…

what do you think?… who inspired you to vote for them or against them?

peace… love… bdg…

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okay, bottom, i mean top, nine once again after Big Mike used up the one save of the season… i will be very short tonight – partially because i’m starting late in the show and partially because i need to be quick with it… quick picks up front, since two are going home, it will be Katie and Aaron… this week is Elvis week and Adam Lambert actually is mentoring them… for whatever reason… off we go…

BLECH OF NINE TALES…

now playing: It’s Now or Never – Elvis

Crystal BoSAWX… commenting after the fact and watching the letters appear many seconds after i’ve typed them (something going on with my laptop)… but she sang a song about lying and cheating… i thought she screamed a bit, but she was very confident and it was a good opening… the judges all agreed, she’s fantastic…

Andrew “The Custodian”… Andrew bored Adam with his version of Hound Dog… what’s the bet that he bores America with it tonight?… it kind of feels like everyone popped a handful of Vicodin and then decided to sing it… really slow, really, well, boring… the ending was the best part of the whole thing… Randy says that Simon called it – bad karaoke, for real… Ellen stands up for him, but said he needed a little more swagger… Kara says he didn’t own it… Simon says it was lazy and it wasn’t a star performance…

Tim “The Partidge”… surprise, Adam digs on Tim… singing Can’t Help Fallin’ in Love… and i’ve finally figured out who his vocal reminds me of… Blake, Bliggety, Blake Lewis… the stage lights are really dark – perhaps to make it harder for him to win with his smile – but i thought he did a super cool job… i liked it a lot… Randy says surprise, he liked it… Ellen says that she would like to drink him down like shots of tequilla… Kara says it was her favorite Tim performance… Simon says it was beautiful – zero to hero in two weeks…

now playing: All Shook Up – Elvis

Lee “Da Wise Guy”… Adam says that Lee’s got nothing going on inside his head i think meaning that he’s dumb… but he’s singing A Little Less Conversation and i think it sounded pretty good… i suppose that puts me back on the fence with him… it was a good job… Randy, Ellen, and Kara all raved… Simon liked it as well…

Aaron Aaron… here’s a good pairing… Adam wants him to be a little more fierce… singing Blue Suede Shoes… starting on the stairs and dressed like a complete poser, he swaggers on over to sing in Kara’s face… it’s a decent vocal, i suppose, but the arrangement really accentuates the fact that this performance is anti-climactic… by the way, he’s wearing black shoes and they’re not suede… Randy says that some of it sounded alright, but not all of it… Ellen gives him an A for effort… Kara likes it because it kept him out of his comfort zone… Simon disagrees and says it was what it was… frustrating and karaoke-ish…

Siobhan MAGNUS VER MAGNUSON… Siobhan is rocking the Elvira hairdo for the show… scratch that, the Adam Lambert hairdo… she’s singing Suspicious Minds and raising suspicions that her weirdness is all one big act… anyway… we get the screaming back… and i actually like the second half of this arrangement… took a little long to get to it though… felt like a really long performance… Randy says she took some risks and the second half made it worthwhile… Ellen says she looks fabulous and she liked the second half too… Kara says that the two different voices is confusing… Simon says that it was completely different than the rest of the season… she gives him the look of death… he said the first part sucked… in so many words… she argues that she’s so unique, she’s incredibly special… blah blah blah…

now playing: Return to Sender – Elvis

BIG MIKE… singing In the Ghetto for redemption… and i’ll bet he’s already tried one or two of those KFC double-down sandwiches… yeah, baby… anyway… he’s got a good voice as always, but again, it’s kind of a boring arrangement… yes, it’s soulful, and yes it’s smooth, but it’s also exactly what he sings every week… Randy says, sleepy, but hot… Ellen says she’s glad he was saved… Kara says beautiful song, sung well… Simon says terrific no more time…

Katie “The Mouse”… singing Baby, What Do You Want Want Me to Do as a jab at the judges and their continually conflicting advice… i like the horns and i like her vocal for the most part… she really needs someone to show her what soul really is though… that ending was incredibly weak… overall, alright… Randy says it was sassy and entertaining… Ellen talks about it being horny… Kara says… “FACE!”… Simon says it was loud and annoying…

Casey “Sawyer” James… singing Lawdy, Ms. Cloudy and playing up his bluesy element… it almost sounded like someone else sang the first stanza and then he started singing again… he does have the perfect voice for this style, but this is probably the most boring of his performances and i dare say he’s a little shaky on some of these vocals… Randy says it was solid, but not different… Ellen agrees, but it wasn’t that exciting… Kara says that it fell short… Simon says it was a wasted opportunity…

HIT THE ROAD, JACK…

now playing: Heartbreak Hotel – Elvis

okie dokie… that’s a wrap and i can’t say that it played out too much differently than i expected… i’m gonna go ahead and guess that they’ll do a bottom four this week and that it will be Katie, Aaron, Andrew, and Mike… with Aaron and Andrew going home…

what do you think?… who blew it and who rocked the house?

peace… love… bdg…

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And… we’re back… with another fine night of American Idol… and by fine, i mean meh, it’s probably fine… pre-picks tonight… Tim, Andrew, and Lee… with Andrew going home… Lennon and McCartney night and that never goes awry… riiight… Paul McCartney kind of plays the dork as he introduces the night and we bounce through the judges and their obligatory compliments for Lennon and McCartney… and i’m way behind so i won’t even comment on the fact that they mentioned the Taurus and then showed a commercial for the Fusion…

BLECH OF NINE TALES…

now playing: Turn the Beat Around – Gloria Estefan

Aaron Aaron… the other contestants call him “Yoda”… like i said, i’m really behind here and he’s pretty much halfway through at least… singing Long and Winding Road… it’s a really drab version of it… and his vocal seems to be held back a lot… he held this last note really well at the end here which was fine… pretty boring, but not horrible… Randy says it was kind of sleepy and could, nay, should’ve been re-arranged… Ellen says it was a long and winding song… Kara says that it seems like the he’s doing the same thing every week… he promises something special next week if he’s still around… Kara tells him to speak into the mic… Simon asks why he picked the song (calling him Sweetie)… Aaron starts to respond without the mic again… Simon says it was old-fashioned before getting rudely interrupted by someone that Big Mike may need to escort out of the building…

Katie “The Mouse”… Katie whores off a prom night to whoever calls in the most votes for her… well, “whores” is probably too strong of a word… but she does do the Single Ladies dance… before singing Let It Be… she looks like she took Christina Applegate’s outfit from Don’t Tell Mom, the Babysitter’s Dead (assuming that i remember the movie correctly)… she’s singing an incredibly old-fashioned version of this song which is again way older than she needs to be picking… vocals are hot though… Randy says it was her best performance ever… Ellen says she won’t be in the bottom three this week… Kara says that she’s confident and she looks and sounds better than ever… Simon says that she got it right tonight… (mostly that she listened to his country advice)… then the panel goes berzerker… and by panel, i mean Kara…

Andrew “The Custodian”… everyone defends his personality… and he’s certainly trying to smile more tonight as he’s singing Can’t Buy Me Love behind the judges table… i would think that would get annoying to the judges… i mean, really, you’re right there, but we’ve gotta watch you on a screen because you’re behind us?… he’s re-arranged the song and it’s definitely a poppy version, which really isn’t his wheelhouse… it’s alright though, but missing his soulful vocals… Randy says it was too poppy, but good… Ellen says you can buy love and then says something else… Kara says, other than the breakdown, he was pretty same old, same old… Simon said it was corny and like a wedding singer…

now playing: We Got the Beat – Go Gos

BIG MIKE… everyone calls him the Hulk and he sings a high note in jest… today, he’s singing Elanor Rigby… i wouldn’t think this plays to his strengths… he better smile a lot… and as expected, this is pretty rough for me… really not a good showing for Big Mike… or the song… i like the strings though… Randy says it could be on the radio right now, today… Ellen says it was awesome… Kara says it was fire… Simon disagrees, noting that it was over the top and more from a musical than a recording… then the table argues and Ellen tries to disappear into the scenery…

Crystal BoSAWX… singing Come Together… and we expect this to be what it is… it’s really good… this is a perfect choice for her, she can scream and play the guitar and get all Alanis on it… which she does… even though she’s (*cough cough*) sick… Randy says yo… yo yo… she’s in the zone… Ellen says she’s running out of ways to tell her she’s amazing… Kara says it’s one of her favorite performances… Crystal glowers back at her with a forced smile… Simon says it was a song that he actually could hear on the radio… Simon clearly wants to call this a season and name her the winner…

Tim “The Partidge”… surprise… everyone likes his smile… he’s singing All My Lovin’ and it’s kind of silly, but i really dig that he’s got it taken down about a half step, kind of jazzy… it’s… again… it’s what can be expected… Randy says as far as Tim performances go, it was a good Tim performance… Ellen says that she liked it and it was maybe his second best performance… Kara says that they’ve been hard on him all season and he did a good job… Simon says screw “Tim” performances… it was a good performance and current and Tim takes his licks like a man…

now playing: Block Rockin’ Beats – The Chemical Brothers

Casey “Sawyer” James… they all make fun of his laugh… and they call him Goldielocks… singing Jealous Guy which i don’t know… it’s a slow song, but he’s carrying it with the help of “his little friend” vibrato… it’s kind of a stirring performance and mostly in tune even… by the way, i think he’s dressed like Al Pacino in Scarface, hence the “little friend” reference… Randy says he was really impressed by how he set himself apart… Ellen says it was his best to date… Kara liked it of course… and Simon says it was the best of the night…

Siobhan MAGNUS VER MAGNUSON… weird, ridiculous, but it works… great… singing Across the Universe, which is kind of a weird song… her mic is ringing as if anticipating the terrible shrieking abuse it’s certain to take… she’s posed like a ballerina Barbie doll and she’s wearing Cyndi Lauper’s skirt from the Girl’s Just Wanna Have Fun video… and it’s a slow and controlled performance, no terrible high notes… i was bored, to be honest, but the judges will love them some of this… Randy says she’s unpredictable, but this was a little sleepy, but the tenderness was good to see… she’s an artist… Ellen supports her choice to march to a different drummer… Kara says it was controlled and it was good, but restrained and “polite”… Simon says it was better than last week, or better last week… it was confusing… then that jackass in the back interrupts again… so, they decide to let him come up on stage to give Siobhan a hug and take 15 seconds of fame… yeah, ’cause that makes sense…

Lee “Da Wise Guy”… apparently Lee and Andrew are a gay couple?… right, because guys can’t be good friends… stupid… anyway… he’s singing Hey Jude… and he’s so not doing a good job… i daresay a terrible job… and i’ll say that all the momentum he gained last week with me is GONE… and just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse… he lets some weirdo bagpiper come on stage and honk along with the song… what on earth?… Randy says that guy was funny and that he doesn’t need to be nervous… it was a hot one… Ellen says it was a great job, she loved it… Kara says he looks more comfortable and it had good moments and off moments… Simon says the bagpipes were a bad idea…

YOU GO HOME NOW…

now playing: Beat It – Michael Jackson

yeah, so, well, um… once again, i’m really not too moved or inspired by anyone in particular… i think Casey, Crystal, and perhaps Siobahn should just move on to the finals and duke it out… let’s just cut this season short… i’m a little confused about tonight because i had heard that Adam Glam-bert was going to be the mentor this week… and instead, there was no mentor… which probably produced the same results…

Anyway, i suppose i’ll go with Lee, Michael, and Andrew in the bottom three – Andrew getting the call… How do you see it? am i way off or right on?

peace… love… bdg…

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whew… ready to dive into another week of American Idol madness… chances are tonight, i’ll be quicker to the punch and the commentary will be shorter than normal as i can see that my DVR has already started recording LOST and i’m more than ready to see what happens with Sun and Jin… i care much less about most of these contestants or the judges this season… they’re just not working so far this year… anyway… it is what it is and we press on… pre-picks for tonight, bottom three: Tim, DiDi, and Siobhan… DiDi going home…

THESE TEN, AGAIN?…

now playing: Super Bad – James Brown & the JBs

this week is SOUL POWER week… not officially, but that’s what i’m calling it… Usher is the guest and hopefully he’ll teach them about stage presence… dude can dance like nobody’s business… he’s like the posterchild for “cool”… of course he has a new album out this week (COINCIDENCE)… and actually, i listened to it earlier today and… well, we’ll move on… he can dance really well and i have fond memories of My Way…

Siobhan MAGNUS VER MAGNUSON… first up is the mouse that can pull a car with her teeth… she’s dressed like a nightmare again… singing Chaka Khan’s Through the Fire and she’s absolutely butchering it… her tone is the only thing worse than her outfit… and now she’s squelching again… eh… ENOUGH already… here comes the judges ready to heap praise onto her… Randy says, listen, i mean, well it was a little all over the place pitch-wise, but he likes the outfit… Ellen says that she went on a hike and got lost and freaked out, but it was still like dessert… Kara says that she got a little nervous and, other than the screams, it wasn’t there… just an off night, but she’s GREAT… Simon says buttons? who needs buttons?… no… really, he says it was as if she sang while running a marathon and that she looks out of place and sang out of place… and he’s bored of the screaming… (he’s more patient than i am)….

Casey “Sawyer” James… singing Hold On (I’m Comin’) by Sam & Dave… i like this guy more and more… he really knows who he is, what his range in, and – more importantly – what his limitations are… and i’m sure this is coming across as a dated performance, just like the Huey Lewis one last week, but yeah, it’s good… he’s got some pipes, he’s got some panache, and he’s good… i mean, it’s not necessarily current, but i can’t stand half of what’s on the radio anyway… this was the winner for the night… Randy says it was another hot one, right in his element… Ellen says it felt generic… there was nothing wrong with it, but it felt safe… Kara says she wishes he would show more of what he is capable of… Simon says it was his strongest performance of the year… really, really impressed…

BIG MIKE… he’s so big, the guitar looks like a ukulele… singing Ready for Love by India.Arie… and i’m suddenly not looking forward to his performance… he’s got a smooth vocal, but now we’re pretty much just doing the same thing every week… who told him that he was the sexy balladeer?… i mean, there’s nothing wrong with it, but it was just plain blah… been there, done that… Randy says that he’s in the zone and he’s loving every performance… Ellen says don’t sing behind my back, but it was beautiful… Kara says that he did an incredible job with it and he got to the true emotion of it… Simon says he can actually take him seriously now, despite being gloomy, it was terrific…

now playing: Chain of Fools – Aretha Franklin

“Ay, Ay, Bee Bee, see see, DIDI”… so, she’s gonna be singing What Becomes of the Broken Hearted and hopefully she won’t cry on stage… or at least she wears the Usher shades to hide the tears… she isn’t a soul singer by any stretch of the imagination, but with that jazzy tinge to the tail end of her range, she may just be worth listening to… i actually like this arrangement and she’s holding it together really well… i’m sure that means that the judges will say it was boring or something… she has lost her breath control a bit there, though… sounded like she was running out of time… Randy says, yo (which means something bad is coming)… he says it flatlined and never picked up… Ellen says it was dramatic and, uh, uh, dramatic… Kara says it’s over, done… oh, overdone… she may have lost her way… puzzling… Simon agrees, noting that it was like swimming in jelly… that she’s lost her way…

Tim “The Partidge”… singing Anita Baker’s Sweet Love… i feel like Lionel sang this… did he?… oh, this is not off to a good start… this song is way beyond him… way, way too old for him… he should’ve gone with like a Jackon 5 tune or something hip like, Usher? YE-UH… it’s really not working and his vocal just can’t keep up… i’ve got absolutely nothing good to say about it… this is like Captain and Tenille singing this song… i feel like i’m on hold… Randy says it just fell flat… aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh…. Ellen says that he is adorable (drink)… but why did he pick that song?… Kara says it was Broadway, Vegas, and un-current… and Tim just laughs… Simon says he doesn’t think it make any difference what they say and nobody cares, but his smile is going to get him through… (TRu dAT!)

Andrew “The Custodian”… if he doesn’t sing Smokey Robinson, i’ll be upset… UGH! he’s singing a Chris Brown song… with an acoustic guitar… Forever on the Dance Floor and the arrangement will keep you off of the dance floor… he actually reminds me of Nic from Salvador… minus the personality… so this song is made popular by YouTube and The Office… i kind of expect a parade of people to start jamming up and down the aisles… except, oh yeah, he’s turned into a song that you don’t want to dance to… it was alright… his vocal was smooth, but the arrangement was wack… Randy says he liked the outfit and Andrew is BACK!… Ellen liked his smile… Kara says he took one giant leap in the right direction… Simon says it was miles better than the last few weeks, but he comes across as very boring as a person… show some personality… they bring up “Mama Garcia” and ugh, they are so trying way too hard to make this show worthwhile and it’s just making things worse…

Katie “The Mouse”… i’m not sure if i like these behind the stage moments… oh, good grief… she’s singing Chain of Fools by Aretha Franklin… i promise i picked that song first, for different reasons… oh, boy… she’s trying to have a swagger and talking about 5 long years of thinking someone was her man… that would make her, what 11 at the beginning of that relationship?… that’s a weird outfit, too, right?… she’s got a fantastic voice and all, but again, this song is just years and years beyond who she is… bad song choice… well performed, for what it was, though… Randy starts out with “yo”… uh oh… the best vocal, but it was disconnected… Ellen shouts out to Jersey Shore again… she wishes the song was younger and more current… Kara says R & B / Pop is where she belongs, but it should be more current… Simon points out how ridiculous it is to compare her to Christina Aguilera and that it was a cold performance… Ellen looks like she’s just witnessed the death of her favorite uncle…

now playing: Yeah – Usher

Lee “Da Wise Guy”… you know, watching Ryan and the Judges this year is like watching cousins making out… it’s just awkward on so many levels… anyway, Lee is playing the role of Michael Jordan and performing despite having walking pneumonia… singing Treat Her Like a Lady by The Temptations Cornelius Brothers… and he’s certainly rocking out to it… and, much like last week, he’s slowly making me not dislike him as much… i don’t know that i’m coming around totally, but he’s knocking this one out of the park… Randy says unbelievable… Ellen smiles when the camera is on her… Kara says something positive… Simon says this was the night that may change his life forever… Lee says to himself, “I hope i don’t throw up or pass out in front of all these people”…

Crystal BoSAWX… a surprise in store for us… are you kidding me, she’s trying not to tell Usher what she’s going to sing?… oh, she’s gonna play the piano… Usher calls her a kid… he’s so cool, he’s “Usher Cool(tm)”… singing Leaving on a Jet Plane… that would’ve been a good goodbye song… anyway, she’s doing a great job early on… dang those are high heels… i’d bet she wasn’t really playing the piano… a few rough spots, but it was really good overall… she looks kind of like a little kid playing dress up though… really doesn’t fit her… Randy says that Gladys would’ve said that she did the song right… Ellen says she’s in it to win it… Kara is glad that Crystal took a risk… Simon says that the choice of song was sensational with a vocal that was at times incredible, but she shouldn’t change who she is for this contest…

Aaron Aaron… closing out the show, it’s Aaron’s version of Ain’t No Sunshine… Usher gives him some good advice… but apparently did nothing about Aaron’s outfit choice… what is THAT?… sorry… and he’s got no real rhythym… or soul… or blues… and i think he managed to overdo the “I know” section… eh, it was alright, but i could take it or leave it… Randy says it was just alright… Ellen says that he was confident and it was a good job… Kara talks like a girl… i like it, but i’m not in love with it… Simon takes the time to promote Lee and calls Aaron a cupcake… it was okay and you’re safe…

IT’S NOT REALLY THAT HARD AT ALL

now playing: It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday – Boyz II Men

this really, wow, this is just a rough season… almost painful… anyway… so you know what? i think my pre-picks are just about right… i’m gonna leave them as is… Tim, She-bon-bon, and DiDi, with DiDi hitting the bricks…

who ya got, folks? am i way off or right on?

peace… love… bdg…

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and now we’re down to eleven… and i had it right last week, let’s see if i can get it right this week… Billboard number ones this week… i hear that they worked with one Miley Cyrus – who coincidentally has a movie coming out next weekend… no pressure, but the loser doesn’t get to go on the tour… once again, the ridiculous “Come On Down” voice introduces the judges and we’re ready for a showdown… okay, so my pre-pick for the bottom three and going home are Paige, Tim, and Andrew, with Paige being crumpled up and tossed in the waste bin… woah, Magnus Ver Magnussen looks freaky… on with the show…

ELEVEN MAGIC…

now playing: Boom Boom Pow – Black Eyed Peas

okay, i love how Miley says that she wasn’t sure how to correct the contestants because she didn’t think they were doing anything wrong… then she met them face-to-face and she knew right away…

Lee “Da Wise Guy”… singing The Letter by The Boxtops… Miley thinks that he has a tremendous voice… i still think he stinks… but he’s really popular and the judges will rave about him no matter what he sounds like… he’s not too bad actually, this is a way old song, but it suits his vocal for the most part… gives him a chance to scream like an idiot and try for some soft moments, too… and there’s not much of a melody, so it works really well for him… he was already safe, but now it’s rightfully so… Randy says he knocked it out of the “box” (get it, Box tops)… Ellen rambles on and on about a pen… i have a favorite pen actually… the Parker Jotter, FYI… Kara says that it was his best performance EVAR…. Simon says it wasn’t recordable, it was corny and not at all contemporary…

“Paige Turner”… the ring stealer… they steals me, my precious… singing Against All Odds by one of the best ever, Phil Collins… and she’s sitting on the steps talking about standing here… and she sounds terrified, horrible, and i do believe that’s the ball game folks…. skipped or forgot the lyrics… and she’s trying as hard as she can to pull it together, but that’s all she wrote folks… she better hope for a LOT of sympathy votes… simply AWFUL… Randy says it was honestly terrible… Ellen says at least she didn’t fall down in those high, high, heels, and she’s afraid to talk about the music… Kara says that Paige must’ve simply stopped trying because it might have been the worst vocal of the season… Simon asks her how she thought she did… (she struggled)… Simon responds that it just got worse the longer she sang…

Tim “The Partidge”… Tim wants to take on Queen… Why?… death wish… singing the Ricky Nelson version of Crazy Little Thing Called Love… (okay, i totally dated myself there)… so, somewhere along the line, he’s been coached up to really take advantage of the “Zac Effron” factor, because the vocal isn’t that great at all, but no one will remember that… they’ll remember the slide across the stage, the incredible stage presence (where did THAT come from?)… and he’ll probably be safe despite the lazy vocal… Randy says it’s a singing competition and all that was exciting was the slide… Ellen says that he’s got fans, but felt like a corny High School Musical audition… Kara says something about Zac Effron and that he seems like he’s overconfident and he’s got a lot of work to do… Simon says that it made sense to do the slide in order to distract from the singing… that he needs singing lessons, take the show seriously, and stop picking silly songs…

now playing: Down – Jay Sean

Aaron Aaron… my foot’s asleep and my salad is getting warm… we’re supposed to go easy on him, because his throat is messed up… Aaron may have a crush on Miley, but i assume that by “Miley” he means “Justin Bieber”… singing AaronSmith’s – er Aerosmith’s Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing… apparently from the Broadway, sorry, off-Broadway version of Armageddon… i suppose that it’s got some slight tinge of country to it, but he’s just kind of standing there, trying not to strain his already limited vocal… and it’s alright… i can handle that… should be safe, tonsilitis or not… Randy says thank God someone can sing in this contest… Ellen says something about him being in third grade and still knowing how to pick the right song… Kara says that it really was a great song choice, despite the rough vocals and lack of stage presence… Simon says he’s a try-er… perhaps a bit old fashioned, but there’s zero chance that he’ll go home… i think he propositioned Miley Cyrus off on Aaron’s behalf… Ryan calls him David Archuleta… nice…

Crystal BoSAWX… you can just tell that Crystal wants to choke Miley Cyrus… she just looks like she has a certain level of disdain towards her… she’s singing Me and Bobby McGee Janis Joplin and fulfilling all the stereotypes surrounding her… well everybody’s gonna love it, but i think she looks terrible and she’s just screaching through all that mess… i mean, that’s the song and all, and she’s really good, but she’s way overrated… and so stinking arrogant… Randy says that she’s the definition of a star folk singer… Ellen plays the clairvoyant about the song choice then tells her to interact with the crowd more… Kara asks her if she was thinking at all, because she seemed more free than in past weeks… Simon says don’t change a thing, because it was as good as Pink…

BIG MIKE… new father seducing Miley Cyrus… awesome… singing When a Man Loves a Woman and straight killing it… that is a phenomenal vocal… and what i like the best about this performance is that he’s taken this killer bluesy rock song and turned it slightly off kilter, making it a soul jam that rivals Boys II Men… and he’s got the look, the voice, and it’s a winner… no doubt about it… Randy says he can sing the “i don’t know what” out of the song… Ellen says that it was safe but she loves him… Kara says she loves him, but it was indulgent… Simon says that the arrangement kept the song from being current… loungy? this from Kara who’s been complaining about people not connecting with the song… he gets all cheesy and corny to the sappy love song and she doesn’t like it… whatevs…

Andrew “The Custodian”… Miley says put that guitar down and loosen up… he sings Marvin Gaye’s I Heard It Through the Grapevine and i can’t help but think that he actually looks like one of the raisins from those commercials… (i know, dating myself again)… he’s still really stiff to be honest and he’s walking around like he lost his guitar and he’s looking for it… the vocal is equally stiff and really, almost snarky… why on earth did he take that soulful tune and ignore the soul in lieu of a choppy, pop arrangement? bad performance… bad vocal… bad everything… Randy says it wasn’t the right vocal and it wasn’t good… Ellen says it wasn’t very good… Kara once again tells him to recapture that Straight Up moment… Simon says he’s probably overrated and that he sucked the soul out of that song…

now playing: Hey Ya – Outkast

Katie “The Mouse”… Katie asks Miley how to deal with mean people who criticize her… silly… you just have to stop sucking and people sill stop picking on you… singing a terrible song, Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry… and she starts off well, but by the time she gets to the jump, she’s about three quarters of a note flat… and the chorus isn’t that great… she worked the crowd a bit, which is good and she should be fine… i think that the outfit is from the eighties… Randy says that it was pitchy, but she’s listening… i missed Ellen’s comments, but i’m sure they didn’t make much sense… Kara says that she found the right avenue, but she’s still got mad pitch issues… Simon says that Miley was the best thing that ever happened to Katie and i can’t help but notice how many millions of miles any of these contestants would have to travel to even be in Miley’s shadow…

Casey “Sawyer” James… singing The Power of Love by Huey Lewis and the News? yeah… sweet… he’s probably the only person to meet Miley Cyrus and gush about her dad… awesome… i’m starting to like this guy… he’s playing the guitar somewhat… and his vocal is really on point for the song… it’s funny how the band has gotten into costume for this performance… it’s a slightly toned down arrangement, but only slightly… and, by gosh, by golly, this dude has just put down my favorite performance of the night… Randy says he wasn’t a fan of the song choice, but he did it really well… Ellen also hates on Huey, but she loves her some Casey… Kara says that he’s on another level… Simon says that it was old fashioned song, like an eighties cover band, nothing original or challenging…

“Ay, Ay, Bee Bee, see see, DIDI”… singing a Linda Ronstadt’s You’re No Good… really, why would you sing a song that repeats the phrase “no good” over and over and over?… bad choice… and really, it’s not that good… she’s off on the vocal and the arrangement’s nothing to speak of… really a dud… and being that she’s just not going to stick around for the long haul… Randy says that it was pitchy… i ate my salad while Ellen and Kara spoke… and Simon points out the irony of repeating “you’re no good” throughout a bad song… totally reading over my shoulder, Simon…

Siobhan MAGNUS VER MAGNUSON… oh my gosh, she’s such a dork… and the worst part is, i’m pretty sure it’s all an act… anyway… singing Superstitious by Stevie Wonder… and she looks like a complete idiot in that costume… i mean outfit… Stevie is, of course, one of the most difficult people to cover… his voice is so, so, distinct and no one can run like him… (vocally)… she sounds simply alright and then she attacks our senses with her owl screams for the big finale… prepare for the gushing… Randy says he loved it… Ellen just really has no place on the panel, “More please”… Kara says that it wasn’t her best performance, but that last note is just amazing… Simon says that the screaming at the end is becoming a thing and that she didn’t hit the notes like she has in the past… overall, he mentions that they all need to push themselves a little more…

ICE, ICE BABY… TAKE OFF…

now playing: Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice

so, my pre-picks were pretty spot on from what i can tell… i was amazed to learn as i was picking the songs for each section that Miley doesn’t have any number ones… is that right? anyway… matter at hand… bottom three, i’ll say Paige – who was absolutely horrible… Andrew – who is way out of his league… and DiDi – who really stumbled through that bad, bad performance… with Paige heading home… i just don’t see any reason for her to stick around…

who ya got, folks? am i way off or right on?

peace… love… bdg…

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okay, so i’m running slightly behind schedule tonight and it’s two hours long so i can’t afford to dilly-dally… i don’t like the voiceover intros for the judges and such… seems incredibly silly… so, tonight is the first week of “the final countdown”… tweleve contestants left and it’s for all the beans… or bananas as Ellen would probably say…

tonight, they’re singing songs from the Rolling Stones, a band i never really quite got… i don’t know too many of their songs and, from all that i could ever tell, they’re pretty much just a bunch of sickly looking dudes flailing about the stage and screaming… anyway, my pre-show prediction is that we’ll see Paige, Tim, and Lacey in the bottom three with Paige going home… okay, they’re starting…

CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN

now playing: Papa Was a Rolling Stone – The Temptations

BIG MIKE… from the pimp spot all the way to the forget-me-spot… singing… um… Miss You… and lighting up the stage… he’s got a decent tone going on… a fair amount of energy… and he’s really working it… this is a great way to start out the night… and it’s a good soulful arrangement for him… it really suits him… Randy says he slayed it… Ellen posits, “What’s not to like?”… Kara says he was hot on stage and had a swagger… Simon says that he’s definitely confident, but kind of corny at times… Simon and Ryan have a rather uncomfortable moment or two…

“Ay, Ay, Bee Bee, see see, DIDI”… i think that DiDi will go pretty far, maybe about halfway through the contestants list here, but Rolling Stones probably won’t fit her too well… singing Playing With Fire… she’s kind of got that Madonna look going on… what was that video with the burning cross?… i can’t remember… (afterthought: Like a Prayer)… she sounds alright… it’s a really quiet song and build around the chorus seems to work for her… i’m pretty sure that she just forgot a bunch of words… and she totally blew those big notes… she could’ve done much better than that… Randy says that she was on fire… Ellen tries to be funny by pointing out the two-syllable pronunciation of “fire”… (fail)… Kara says it was two steps forward (again, playing Paula’s role)… Simon says it was a good song choice and that she held it together well, despite some rough moments…

Casey “Sawyer” James… so, we get to reflect on Casey’s life and they try to build a convincing “story” for him… and, oh, an old picture of him singing without a shirt on… surprise… singing It’s All Over Now… he’s pretty much a lock for the top three… oh, by the way, i’ll probably (pending time) rank the contestants tonight and pick the overall order of dismissal too… not much to say about this performance… it’s exactly what i expected… really solid, but extremely safe… a definite lay-up instead of a dunk, but still gets the points on the board… Randy says that he’s back… Ellen reminds us of her sexual orientation… blonde… Kara says that he was a rock star… best performance since they’ve met… Simon says not really… it was like an audition and he needs to push himself to become a bigger persona on stage…

now playing: Proud Mary – Creedence Clearwater Revival

Lacey “The Token Red-haired Gal” Brown…strange outfit… kind of like a Kirk Douglas sailor shirt from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, but cut off with a skin-toned tube top… anyway… singing Ruby Tuesday… it’s really an odd look actually… it’s a bit on the distracting side… perhaps not enough… she did well on the verse, but she really is a timid little thing and she blew the vocal on the chorus… yeah, her clock is ticking… she’ll make a fine director of music at a church somewhere… Randy says it was “interesting” and she “kind of held it together”… Ellen notes that she likes to sit on the edge of things… that it was sleepy, but she’s a fan… Kara says it was fifty-fifty… she can do better… Simon says that she was perhaps overthinking the performance…

Andrew “The Custodian”… so, story is… don’t leave your keys unguarded around Andrew… so, he’s singing Gimme Shelter and the first thing we notice is that the sound is messed up… or i’ve lost a good deal of my hearing suddenly… this is a rather uncomfortable performance for me… he seems incredibly stiff… and there’s absolutely no, um, believability… he needs to practice that custodian trade and clean up these vocals… they’re awful… really, really bad way to start off the top twelve, dude… Randy says it was pitchy all over the place… Ellen says it was his best ever… Kara talks about making a connection to the song… it’s about war… Simon asks if he should’ve drove up in a tank to perform it… then he says that the performance left him with mixed feelings…

Katie “The Mouse”… singing Wild Horses… wow… interesting choice for the lighting… she’s sitting on a stool, bathed in a spotlight and she’s singing way better than one would expect… she’s killing the vocal… it’s still kind of a boring song and she’s got no idea how to command the stage, but she’s getting better… it was very controlled and, even though she’s got some room to grow, but she’s laid some really solid groundwork here… not spectacular, but a good job… Randy says that she sang it really well… Ellen giggles about her dress and talks about pitchiness… Kara says that it was a good song choice and it was pretty good… Simon says it was the first time she picked the right song and she gave it 100%….

now playing: Roll Over Beethoven – Chuck Berry

Tim “The Partidge”… how cute, they always used to pretend that he was a little girl… good times, good times… looking for independence, Tim is singing Under My Thumb… oh, he looks like Zach Effron tonight… well played… and he’s singing a Jason Mraz-like, reggae-lite version of this song… he really seems incredibly young and unsure of what he’s supposed to be doing, but it was alright i suppose… nothing really to write home about… Randy says he didn’t get it or like it… Ellen says that it was too laid back and as if it was performed at a resort somewhere… Kara says that she has to at least applaud him for doing something incredible to the song and making it his own… Simon agrees that he did something different, but it just didn’t work…

Siobhan MAGNUS VER MAGNUSON… wow, forget her family, those glasses are HUGE… ooh, she was on the floor… (the screen was on the floor)… singing Paint It Black… and she’s got her hair all dolled up and she’s wearing black, sitting on the stairs to start off… oh, combat boots… this arrangement is really odd… and the vocal is not at all working for me… she hits some impact notes, but she’s way off the rest of the time… and those lips are uber shiny… and now she’s shrieking because it worked a couple weeks ago… that ending sounded like Stairway to Heaven… Randy says that was hot… Ellen says that she rises above like snookie’s poof?… (follow-up: apparently that’s a Jersey Shore reference… glad i didn’t know that)… Kara is having hot flashes, er flashbacks of Adam Lambert… Simon agrees that it was the standout performance of the night… they may try to make her the dark horse in this race… she’ll be around much longer than many of us can stand…

Lee “Da Wise Guy”… the paint salesman… the next David Cook/wanna-be Daugtry… i feel like crying and he hasn’t even started yet… singing Beast of Burden… well, i’ll be… this really isn’t that bad… it’s rather under control and very toned down… he’s not screaming his head off and trying to prove that he’s a powerful manly man who growls when he sings… he’s probably just too nervous to express himself… pretty sleepy, but it’s not bad… i’ve never been pleased with his performance before… Randy says it was dope… Ellen says she expected more and it just didn’t come together – like a hospital gown (almost, but not quite there)… Kara says it showed tremendous growth… Simon says he really like him, but he needs to shine and steal himself a moment…

now playing: That’s Just the Way We Roll – Jonas Brothers

“Paige Turner”… singing Honky Tonk Women… i can’t imagine that she’s going to do an even remotely good job with the Rolling Stones… and so far, i’m absolutely right… it’s a complete mismatch of styles converging here on this song… she really has some potentially killer vocals, but they really don’t fit this song well and overall, it’s blocked out of your mind by the rest of the song being an uncomfortable fit… Randy says that she did a really good job… Ellen points out that she struggled with her voice, but still managed to do a good job… Kara says that she hit a lot of big notes in spite of being sick… Simon says she still hasn’t quite connected, but she showed some glimpses of the big vocals that they like…

Aaron Aaron… ugh… his mom’s name is Kelly Kelly? awesome… singing Angie… and sitting on the steps, wearing a leather shirt and acting like a complete poser… at least he’s picked a mellow song that allows him to limit the range that he attempts to sing in… well, he wasn’t bad, per se, but that was a horribly boring song for me… Randy mentions a Justin Timberlake similarity… Ellen compares his hair to hers… Kara says he really showed her… Simon says that he expected a disaster, but he chose the right song and it worked… (oh, and then he mentions the limits to the vocal range… he’s clearly reading over my shoulder)…

Crystal BoSAWX… oh, what a surprise… let’s pimp the homeless chick… she’s wearing those thick leather bracelet things that are so very irritating… singing You Can’t Always Get What You Want… if this song was her life’s motto, i think the rest of the sentence would be something like, “… but you can certainly complain about it until people pity you”… oh, someone wrote on her guitar… so, i suppose this is a good arrangement… she’s got some moments here and there that make it poppin, but i think it was kind of just alright for me on the whole… i think she’s a one-trick pony to be honest… Randy says it wasn’t her best, but it was a hot one… Ellen says she lacked personality tonight, but it was really good… Kara says that she seemed a little cocky, er, comfortable… Simon asks what she meant by “overthinking” to which she responds “I don’t know”… brilliant… Simon continues to say that she was the favorite coming into tonight, but she wasn’t the best tonight…

ROLL THE CREDITS…

now playing: Let It Roll – Group 1 Crew

so, as i’m already out of time, i’ll try to make this speedy… i think that Lacey was clearly the worst performance tonight and she might actually say goodnight for good… let’s go with a bottom three of Andrew, Paige, and Lacey, with Lacey hanging it up tonight… which brings me to my next little trinket… the order in which they will all leave the show is as follows: 12. Paige, 11. Andrew, 10. Lacey, 9. Aaron, 8. Tim, 7. DiDi, 6. Katie, 5. Siobhan, 4. Michael, 3. Lee, 2. Crystal, 1. Casey… obviously, i picked that list before watching tonight, and i didn’t put a lot of thought into it but that was just the way it played out as i looked at the list before tonight’s performances…

and now, i’m off… but i leave you with a couple questions… first, who’s going home tomorrow? second, who’s going to win it all?

peace… love… bdg…

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